Howto 2<\/p>\n
This is just a mirror of spiralx.dyndns.org\/howto.html since
\nit is no longer online.<\/p>\n
The \/. troll HOWTO<\/p>\n
This is version 0.6 of a troll HOWTO, sort of a companion piece to jsm’s
\nexcellent troll FAQ. As a draft, comments and criticism are always
\nwelcome, if not appreciated \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Section 1 – Trolling techniques<\/p>\n
There are techniques used by successful trolls to elicit the maximum
\namount of responses from unthinking \/.ers. This section is dedicated to
\nexplaining how to use these in the course of your trolls. Remember
\nthough, a great troll can break any or all of these and still be
\nsuccessful…<\/p>\n
* *Timing*<\/p>\n
Because you’re posting as an AC, your troll will generally be
\nignored in favour of posters using their accounts, and so getting
\nin early is essential. A good guideline is to get into the first
\n20 posts, so that people reading the article will see the troll
\nbefore it is swamped out. One way of increasing the speed with
\nwhich you get your troll into play is to prepare them beforehand,
\nand then quickly customise them for the current article. This is
\neasier than it sounds since \/. typically repeats stories with
\nsmall variations and runs lots of similar stories.<\/p>\n
Note that this is why Jon Katz stories are pretty worthless as
\ntrolling material – by the time you’ve found the article and
\nprepared a troll there’s already 50+ posts on it, most of them
\nflaming Jon Katz anyway \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
* *Exposure*<\/p>\n
Once you’ve got your troll in, you need people to actually read
\nit. You also want replies – \/.ers are more likely to read your
\ntroll if it starts a large thread. You also want to remember that
\nsome people have set their comment thresholds to values higher
\nthan 0 – to get the attention of these you either want to get your
\npost moderated up (see Style, below) or get a reply which gets
\nmoderated up to 4 or 5, in which case your troll becomes visible
\nto all.<\/p>\n
* *Accounts*<\/p>\n
An alternative to the time-honoured tradition of AC trolling is
\nthat of creating a “troll” account. This gives you the advantage
\nof posting at 1 rather than 0, and slashbots are more likely to
\ntake you seriously, especially if you at least sound reasonable.
\nIf you do this, try to avoid posting stuff where it is obvious
\nyou’re a troll under the account – post it anoymously instead –
\nsome slightly more canny readers actually check your user info
\nbefore they reply. Not many though \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
The ultimate goal of the troll account is to secure the +1 bonus,
\nwhich is currently received once you hit 26 points of Karma. To
\nget there, employ the techniques of karma whoring that we see
\nevery day on \/. and watch the karma roll in. And of course once
\nyou get the +1 bonus, the world is your oyster in terms of \/.
\nPosts made at a default of 2 hit even those people with the
\nthreshold of 2, are more likely to get moderated up even further
\nif they are at all coherent, and people tend to lose their
\ncritical thinking abilities in the face of the +1 bonus. Milk it
\nfor all it’s worth.<\/p>\n
* *Layout*<\/p>\n
To get people reading it a troll needs to be easily readable. Make
\nsure you break it down into easily digestible paragraphs, use HTML
\ntags where appropriate (but always make sure you close them
\nproperly) and use whitespace appropriately.<\/p>\n
* *Size*<\/p>\n
Generally a troll shouldn’t be too short, otherwise it’ll get lost
\nin the crowd. A workable minimum is a couple of medium paragraphs.
\nConversely, it shouldn’t be too long, or no-one will bother to
\nread it. Keep it to a happy medium.<\/p>\n
* *Spelling*<\/p>\n
Whilst spelling is important if you want the troll to be taken
\n“seriously”, key spelling mistakes can draw out the spelling
\nzealots, especially if you mis-spell the name of a venerated \/.
\nhero, like Linus Torveldes or Richard Strawlman (thanks dmg).
\nRelated to this is the use of the wrong word, explaining an
\nacronym as being something it isn’t or making a word into an
\nacronym even when it isn’t.<\/p>\n
* *Subject*<\/p>\n
The subject line needs to draw attention to your post without
\nmaking it obvious that it is a troll. A simple statement of the
\nmain point of your argument can work here.<\/p>\n
* *Style*<\/p>\n
Once you realise that most moderators don’t bother to read past
\nthe first paragraph or two, you can use this fact to craft trolls
\nthat can be moderated up as “Insightful” (note that I mean this in
\nthe \/. sense rather than the real-world sense). Start off fairly
\nreasonable, making statements that are \/. friendly and not being
\ntoo controversial. As the troll goes on, make it more and more
\ncontroversial, building it up for the \/coup de grace\/ in the final
\nparagraph.<\/p>\n
* *Linking*<\/p>\n
As we all know, a post with links<\/p>\n
is considered “informative” by the \/. crowd. Moderators love it,
\nand they rarely check the links, so be sure to include as many as
\npossible. And make them wrong – a link to the Perl website<\/p>\n
should instead point to the Python website<\/p>\n
instead, and vice versa. The other alternative to incorrect links
\nis “useful” links to places like www.linux.org<\/p>\n
and www.microsoft.com<\/p>\n
i.e. places \/.ers could never have found on their own \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
* *Feeding*<\/p>\n
The ideal troll requires no feeding – it runs on its own,
\ngenerating flamewars between clueless \/.ers for your amusement.
\nBut often a troll requires some help and so you should consider
\nfeeding it. Feeding is best reserved for people making either
\ncompletely clueless responses, people making responses with holes
\nin, or those wonderful people who write a 2000-word point-by-point
\nrebuttal of your troll.<\/p>\n
* *Know your audience*<\/p>\n
Always keep in mind the kind of things advocated on \/. so that you
\ncan play on and against them. This is why anti-Linux, creationist,
\ngun-loving, pro-corporation trolls work well – the vast majority
\nof \/.ers hold the opposite viewpoints. And if a few people agree
\nwith you, so much the better – it merely validates your viewpoint
\nin the eyes of readers.<\/p>\n
* *Arrogance*<\/p>\n
Be arrogant. You, as a troll, know that you’re right. No other
\nexplanation could exist. The wronger the “fact”, the more
\nassertively you should state it. Make it clear that you are better
\nthan everyone else – you know the truth and they are just too
\nstupid to realise it. Use plenty of sarcasm, and use “quotes” to
\nshow it to people too dumb to realise.<\/p>\n
* *Offensiveness*<\/p>\n
Being offensive in your initial troll can be counter-productive –
\nit causes moderators to mark you down as flamebait in general. But
\nif you’re feeding, then you can get away with calling \/.ers all
\nkinds of things. Make broad generalisations about \/. readers –
\ncall them “long-haired Linux zealots”, “socialist open-source
\nbigots” or whatever. Stereotyping is encouraged – people always
\nwant to think that they’re an individual, and will point this out
\nto you given half a chance.<\/p>\n
* *Indifference*<\/p>\n
Great for articles with a political or social bent, this kind of
\ntroll expresses complete indifference to the topic at hand,
\nwondering who on Earth cares about it. An alternative method is to
\nsay that the topic only concerns a certain group of people –
\ncriminals, idiots, hackers (always use this instead of crackers)
\nor whatever group you want to offend.<\/p>\n
* *Sympathy*<\/p>\n
Appear to take the same stance as the people you’re trying to
\ntroll – claim you’re as much a fan of Linux as the next man,
\nbut… This way you can make all kinds of claims in the sure
\nknowledge that you actually know what you’re talking about. A
\ngreat phrase to use here is “In my experience”. Remember to act
\nlike all the things you’re pointing out are unfortunate but true.<\/p>\n
* *The common touch*<\/p>\n
Always accuse \/.ers of being elitist. This is an easy thing to do
\nseeing as a lot of them are. Claim that is their grandmother
\ncouldn’t use it, then they are just into it to feel better than
\nJoe Sixpack rather than “doing it for the average user”. This is
\nalways great for working into anti-Linux trolls – attack
\ncommand-line tools and poorly designed desktops.<\/p>\n
* *The 31337 touch*<\/p>\n
The opposite of the above. Claim that technology or whatever is
\nonly for the elite of society and that any attempt to open it up
\nfor everyone is wrong, an attack on intellectualism and possibly
\neven dangerous. If people were meant to understand these things
\nthen they would, and it’s their fault if they’re too stupid to learn.<\/p>\n
* *Contradiction*<\/p>\n
Never be afraid to contradict yourself, even in the space of a
\nsingle sentence. The phrases “I am a top programmer who codes in
\nVB” or “I am a supporter of open source who uses NT at work and 95
\nat home” will be sure to get a response from some weenie smugly
\npointing out the contradiction. Confuse the issue more by engaging
\nin contradiction when you are feeding – this will confuse \/.ers
\nwho will then make even more stupid replies, leaving them even
\nmore wide open for response.<\/p>\n
*Clues*<\/p>\n
If you’re feeling brave, give the reader clues that this is an
\nobvious troll. The classic example here is dmg’s stock phrase “I
\nam often accused of trolling (whatever that is)”, but also feel
\nfree to use phrases like “I have not read the article, and I don’t
\nknow much about XYZ but I feel I must comment”. If anyone responds
\nto a troll with these kinds of clues in it, feel free to bask in
\nthe glow of knee-jerk \/. responses.<\/p>\n
* *Denial*<\/p>\n
If you’re unlucky someone will accuse you of being a troll (surely
\nnot!) and try and ruin it for you. If you don’t want it all to end
\nthere, then be sure to counter it by accusing them of being
\nsmall-minded and petty, saying that it’s easier for them to say
\nit’s a troll than to accept that people have different opinions.
\nBe sure to say this in the subject line, especially if their
\nsubject was the infamous “YHBT. YHL. HAND.”<\/p>\n
* *Claiming credit*<\/p>\n
Given that \/. has its community of regular trolls (hi guys!), it’s
\nonly polite to publish your troll on one of the so-called “hidden”
\nforums for all to see and admire. This way, you get to bask in the
\npraise of other trolls, they get to contribute to your’s if they
\nwant to, and you get an easy way to find the troll later on when
\nyou want to check on its progress \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
As for when to post it, that’s a matter of opinion really. You can
\neither post it straight away or leave it will after people start
\nbiting. Remember that the troll forum is also frequented by
\nnon-trolls, and sometimes you may get a self-declared
\n“troll-buster” try and expose you. But remember, \/.ers always post
\nbefore thinking, and often it doesn’t matter at all.<\/p>\n
There is no real current forum at the moment thanks to various
\nspammers hitting the sids, but try trolltalk
\nhttp:\/\/slashdot.org\/comments.pl?sid=trolltalk
\nthe original troll sid started by 80md and osm way back in the
\nday. Generally all postings are done there as an AC, with your
\nname at the end of the post. Include a link to the troll somewhere
\nin the text, which ideally will be directly to the post and its
\nreplies – click on the #XX link in the thread to get there.<\/p>\n
* *Ending the troll*<\/p>\n
Sometimes you just get bored with a troll, or people start posting
\ngenuinely thoughtful stuff in reply (it does happen). When this
\nhappens it might be time to own up to the troll with a helpful
\n“YHBT. YHL. HAND.” post. Sometimes people will carry on a
\ndiscussion of the issue, and if you’re really lucky (and it was a
\ngreat troll) they will completely fail to believe you and carry on
\narguing. If that happens, pat yourself on the back for writing a
\ngreat troll \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
* *The cheap $3 crack*<\/p>\n
Finally, when all else fails and your troll gets moderated down to
\n(-1, Troll) within ten seconds of you posting it, the only
\nhonourable thing to do is to accuse the moderators of smoking the
\ncheap $3 crack (again) and give up \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\n
Section 2 – Types of troll<\/p>\n
1. *The Maniac*<\/p>\n
Probably the most popular kind of troll, the Maniac holds an
\nopinion on something, and won’t budge from that opinion no matter
\nwhat evidence to the contrary is presented. If challenged, the
\nManiac will simply get more and more agitated and abusive,
\nderiding his opponents as “idiots”, “wrong-thinking”, “dangerous”
\nand “subversive”. Generally the Maniac takes a position that
\nopposes the prevalent \/. beliefs, but a similar effect can be
\nachieved by taking a typical \/. viewpoint and pushing it to
\nridiculous extremes.<\/p>\n
Maniacs can be crafted for practically every article \/. posts,
\nalthough some are more obvious targets than others. Civil liberty
\narticles, especially on things like censorship, DMCA, UCITA that
\nreally get \/.ers riled up, are usually extremely fruitful grounds
\nfor a well-crafted maniac. The other obvious type of article is
\nanything which could possibly involve religion, especially
\nevolution \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Here are some fruitful avenues to explore:<\/p>\n
* The Right-Wing Maniac<\/p>\n
Always popular, the right-wing maniac (RWM) is a
\nGod-fearing, gun-toting, flag-waving American, and proud of
\nit. They don’t care about the rest of the world, unless it’s
\nto “prove” that America is better than everything else, and
\nthey cannot stand liberal whining over civil rights. They
\nhate the moral decay of America and want it to revert into a
\nnation of heterosexual, Christian whites like it was meant
\nto be. Woe betide anyone that dares to suggest otherwise.<\/p>\n
* Religion<\/p>\n
There are two ways to approach this kind of maniac. The
\nharder to pull off is the militant atheist, but this is
\nquite common amongst \/. posters and you would have to be
\nvery offensive to get this to work. Of course with religion
\ntrolls, the argument can go on for ever once it’s started…
\nThe more common approach is the Christian fundamentalist.
\nThey are ignorant, intolerant and bigoted in the extreme.
\nFor them the Bible is the inerrant word of God revealed to
\nman – it contains no flaws and no contradictions. Thus they
\nare strict Creationists – mentions of evolution or cosmology
\nwill set them off on vitriolic rants. Flaming denunciations
\nof anyone daring to contradict the “Word of God” are the way
\nto go, and any kind of proof can always be ignored by
\nappealing to “secular humanist brainwashing”. And let’s not
\nforget, the USA is the greatest nation on Earth because it
\nhas the righteous power of Jesus Christ behind it.<\/p>\n
* Ideology<\/p>\n
Pick a philosophy, any philosophy. This troll is a troll
\nwith a cause – they have found some kind of ideological
\ntruth, and are out to expose every other philosophy as a
\nsham. Whether it be libertarianism, objectivism, communism
\nor capitalism, this troll will point out the obvious “flaws”
\nin any other philosophies, whilst spouting dogma about their
\nown. And the best thing is – you don’t even need to know
\nthat much about what you’re spouting – making doctrinaire
\nmistakes will get both sides of the argument flaming you,
\nadding to the fun.<\/p>\n
* Software<\/p>\n
This is an old favourite and crops up in many forms,
\ncovering the gamut from OS maniacs (Linux zealots,
\nMS-apologists or embittered BSD fanatics), language maniacs
\n(Pascal vs. C, C vs. C++, C++ vs. Java, Perl vs. Python, VB
\nvs. everything), application maniacs(GIMP vs. Photoshop,
\nNetscape vs. IE, vi vs. emacs) and also includes people who
\ncomplain about how technology should only be for the 31337
\nhackers.<\/p>\n
* Guns<\/p>\n
Americans love their guns, and will always fight
\npassionately for their Constitutionally guarenteed rights to
\nbear arms and shoot people. Even the slightest hint of
\ncriticism of this will bring down the wrath of a thousand
\nand one enraged gun-owners on you, so it’s always a great
\npoint to work into a troll \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
2. *The Expert*<\/p>\n
The Expert is someone who is “savvy” in their particular field,
\nand is perfectly willing to give their opinion on any topic even
\nvauguely related to their field. The Expert is most likely to be
\nfrom a field which \/.ers as a rule despise – the classic example
\nis dumb marketing guy, but try consultants, lawyers, politicians,
\nlobbyists, executives, journalists (just think Jon Katz). With
\nthis kind of troll sweeping statements with little content are the
\nnorm, along wire dire portents of future catastrophe and dark
\nhints of “insider knowledge”.<\/p>\n
Some possible angles to exploit:<\/p>\n
* Industry knowledge<\/p>\n
The expert knows the computing industry from the inside – as
\na long-term pro, they can dispense knowledge knowing that
\nthey can “speak for the industry”. Their smug
\nself-satisfaction is bound to annoy, as is any suggestion
\nthat things aren’t the way that \/.ers would like it – saying
\n“Linux requires the rock-solid guarantee of a trusted
\ncompany like Microsoft” or “Apache cannot be trusted for
\nmission-critical enterprise platforms” is guaranteed to get
\nyou denials explaining exactly why you’re wrong, in
\nexcruciating detail.<\/p>\n
* Helpful hints<\/p>\n
With their tech-savvy (or law-savvy or whatever) experience,
\nthe expert is obviously the best person to point out what’s
\nwrong with things or to give out useful “factual”
\ninformation. In fact this probably works best with lawyer
\ntrolls – for all that \/.ers protest “IANAL”, they certainly
\nseem to think they could be, and any mistakes you make will
\nsend them rushing to prove themselves by correcting you.<\/p>\n
3. *Offtopic Trolls*<\/p>\n
Not really a “troll” in the strict Jargon File sense of the word,
\nbut they certainly should be included here \ud83d\ude42 This category
\nincludes parodies, offtopic weirdness any all kinds of amusing
\nstuff. Not really my area of expertise, this stuff is mainly done
\nby gnarphlager and opensourceman. Thanks to gnarphlager for this
\nsection.<\/p>\n
Offtopic trolls, like any other, come in almost as many colours as
\nan iMac, but generally not as cute. But then again, a good
\nofftopic “troll” can affect more people than a repulsive little
\ngumdrop on your desk, because you need to have someone SEE your
\ndesk before they can react. Simple? Moreso than even my overblown
\nprose could indicate. Some basic examples:<\/p>\n
1. The serial troll<\/p>\n
Write a story. Keep expanding it. It doesn’t matter what
\narticle you post it under, so long as it’s high up. If you
\nwant people to recognize you, pick a couple themes or
\nsymbols, and carry them on throughout the story. Other
\nalternatives include back linking or including the entire
\nstory, but adding more each time. Be funny if you want. Or
\nif you don’t feel like being funny, just be really weird.
\nSomeone will react.<\/p>\n
2. The random troll<\/p>\n
This has nothing to do with anything. Be it a stream of
\nconsciousness rant, or a description of the corner of your
\ndesk. Another favorite is a monologue, read as if spoken
\nfrom any one given entity to another. The more outlandish,
\nthe better (a pair of socks talking to a mousepad, for
\nexample). If you really wanted to be artsy, work in an
\nactual metaphor or legitimate meaning behind it, but it’s
\nnot necessary.<\/p>\n
3. The vaguely related troll<\/p>\n
Start out with a comment about the article. Have a definite
\nopinion of it. Then, after a little while, disintegrate into
\nrandomness. All roads eventually can eventually lead to
\ncheese (yum), Natalie Portman, cannibalism, toasters,
\nsquirrels, futons, you name it. All it takes is a little bit
\nof creativity. Oh, and feel free to use other trolls’
\nmotifs. Open source and all that \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n
General tips:<\/p>\n
* If it’s funny for a fleeting moment, then it’s worth posting.
\n* Puns. Puns are only less vile than mimes, but it’s hard to
\nmime on \/. So feel free\/obligated to litter your offtopic
\nand random bits with puns. Hurt the bastards. And if they’re
\nsick enough to laugh at them, then they’ll eventually end up
\nhere \ud83d\ude09
\n* Obscure cultural references and injokes are always good.
\nSOMEONE will get them eventually.
\n* Several drafts of a serial or random post are common, but
\ntrue elegance is being able to come up with something on the
\nspot that still makes the top 40 posts (on a post-heavy article)<\/p>\n
Section 3 – Useful trolling links<\/p>\n
The following links contain background information useful for trolls
\nneeding quick quotes and “expert” opinions to include.<\/p>\n
1. *General purpose links*<\/p>\n
* ddi.digital.net\/~gandalf\/trollfaq.html<\/p>\n
– How to deal with USENET trolls – learn your enemy \ud83d\ude42
\n* www.don-lindsay-archive.org\/skeptic\/arguments.html<\/p>\n
– A List Of Fallacious Arguments – Learn them and use them
\nliberally
\n* www.altairiv.demon.co.uk\/troll\/trollfaq.html<\/p>\n
– USENET troll HOWTO
\n* www.baiting.org<\/p>\n
– Baiting.org
\n* www.fieldingtravel.com\/df\/index.htm<\/p>\n
– Fielding’s DangerFinder – A guide to what and where’s
\ndangerous<\/p>\n
2. *Religious links*<\/p>\n
* www.godhatesamerica.com\/<\/p>\n
– God Hates America
\n* www.chalcedon.edu\/creed.html<\/p>\n
– The Creed of Christian Reconstruction
\n* www.demonbuster.com<\/p>\n
– How to cast out your demons and do spiritual warfare
\n* riceinfo.rice.edu\/armadillo\/Sciacademy\/riggins\/things.htm<\/p>\n
– Things Creationists hate
\n* www.icr.org\/<\/p>\n
– Institute for Creation Research
\n* www.xenu.net<\/p>\n
– Operation Clambake – The fight against Scientology on the net
\n* www.hom.net\/~angels\/<\/p>\n
– Citizens for the Ten Commandments
\n* www.bju.edu\/rcnbc.html<\/p>\n
– The difference between Catholics and Christians
\n* www.geocities.com\/prazske00\/biblequotes.html<\/p>\n
– Bible quotes by category<\/p>\n
3. *Political\/economy links*<\/p>\n
* www.aynrand.org<\/p>\n
– The Ayn Rand Institute
\n* www.reason.com<\/p>\n
– Libertarian site
\n* www.freerepublic.com<\/p>\n
– Right-wing stuff
\n* www.jbs.org<\/p>\n
– Excellent site for all kinds of right-wingery
\n* www.dack.com\/web\/bullshit.html<\/p>\n
– Web economy bullshit generator<\/p>\n
4. *Crackpot science links*<\/p>\n
* www.fixedearth.com<\/p>\n
– The Earth Is Not Moving
\n* www.jir.com\/index.htm<\/p>\n
– The Journal of Irreproducible Results<\/p>\n
[Site Meter]
\n—<\/p>\n
Copyright \u00a9 2001 James Skinner <mailto:spiralx@munting.co.uk><\/mailto:spiralx@munting.co.uk><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Howto 2 This is just a mirror of spiralx.dyndns.org\/howto.html since it is no longer online. The \/. troll HOWTO This is version 0.6 of a troll HOWTO, sort of a companion piece to jsm’s excellent troll FAQ. As a draft, comments and criticism are always welcome, if not appreciated \ud83d\ude42 Section 1 – Trolling techniques<\/p>\n